Do you remember me? Do you remember why I should ask? Even if, just possibly I may be only a distant memory at last?
Thousand of stars spread tonight's sky Pulling at the threads of my heart As I lay here and wonder why We've spent all of this time apart
I still remember your promise that day You swore not to abandon me Yet, as I warned life's wicked ways Were destined to keep you apart from me
I'm am not bitter, only alone I miss the part of you that you kept just for me For though, yes it has been so long...too long You are a constant part of me...not some distant memory A Random Thursday, October 05, 2006
...a couple of years actually. Wow! Time passes so quickly. Alot has changed, much is the same. I still think of Scorpian as my bestest friend ever...even if he always forgets to call me back. My former bass player has finally formed what appears to be a promising band over in NY. They have plenty of great music... but no lyrics... so I guess I should start writing again. My career change has totally reformed my lifestyle, but I'm sure that is for the better.
My boys are so big now. They are actually coming close to my height. They are wonderful blessings that I thank the heavens for everyday. They are both a little bit crazy~just like me!
I'm not quite sure what has possesed me to start posting again...but I'll give it a whirl. I know I am probably out here alone, but really that is ok with me.
I miss California..people who are still there. Las Vegas comes in close second...yes I am still trying.
Well I finally moved, but it wasn't to California. I have such a beautiful home now. Of course I don't have any furniture...but that's what credit cards are for. And I guess once I have maxed them all out I should probably have one of those byob byof parties or something...
Every now and then I realize how few friends I trully have. It's a painful reality. I'm getting tired. Really really tired. These last two years have just left me completely dry. I'm not very sure what is motivating me to wake up anymore other than the sun can be annoyingly fucking bright! A Random Monday, November 24, 2003
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Life itself it often the hardest part of living. Combine it with love and it can quickly become unbearable.
Why is it so easy for me to let go? This is something I have been asking myself time and time again. I mean after all it's not really that easy. I'll tell you it is and you'll believe me, but I'll always know better. Still, I find myself constantly finding reasons to run, to hide, to withdraw, to push away. Oddly enough I do this to the people that mean the most to me or that I feel I am getting too close to. Define...too close...
So I've given this subject alot of careful thought recently.
As a child, basic needs were often overlooked or ignored completely. I believed my mother loved me and I imagined that my father might, but love was not enough for them to provide meals, clothing, shelter, safety, security, and I guess not even a sense of love.
I never really felt cared for and I guess I never really cared that much for myself, but somehow I found a way to get enough of those needs met, usually by helping others and I survived.
But maybe that wasn't quite good enough. I think it might be because I never really had or lost so much that was important to me that I can so easily remove anything or anyone that I may really need. My rationale has always been that eventually it will be absent from my life anyway so whatever you do...don't DEPEND on it, her, him, etc. Perhaps this is the one way I believe I can maintain some sort of control. Yes, I do know that this is ludicrous, but it has yet to stop me.
The urges are uncontrollable. As if my very ability to breathe lay on the line. I've always known that this is the way that I am, but that knowledge has yet to stop me. But, I fear that is changing now. I see myself giving in and letting people in and it scares the hell out of me sometimes.
I realize how very little I trust anything that seems good. I realize how very little I trust myself.
Maybe I'm just getting old, maybe I'm just too tired, or maybe it's time for me to deal with the consequences of life instead of trying to control it. And maybe I know that. Maybe if I could just try to believe that I am strong enough to recover from whatever obstacles I encounter along the way I won't be so afraid to walk down certain paths. A Random Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Thursday, September 11, 2003
I have quite a busy night ahead of me. Seems everyone decided to pick the same day..wait evening to schedule their individual events....let's see
A rather confident man walks into a bar and grabs a stool next to a gorgeous woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, Is your date running late?
No, he replies. I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and am testing it.
The intrigued woman says, A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?
It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me, he explains.
What's it telling you now? she asks.
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.
The woman giggles and replies, Well, it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!
The man gasps and taps his watch, Damn thing must be an hour fast.