The Red Zone

 

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Saturday, November 04, 2006

 
I guess she had to stop breathing for a while...maybe its asthma...anyone have a bronchodilator handy?

 
Just a quick note to say hi to the Worm! So that's how you knew I had moved....lol.

 
I admit I didn't really expect to see any comments on my blog. I mean who actually looks at this stuff 2 years after the fact. But I guess that's pretty cool. I can go with that.

So on another note...yes I am alive...but I am in need of technical support. However, it's a little hard to get technical support when your cell phone is dead.

So how was the pasta?

Friday, October 06, 2006

 
Do you remember the rat?

Thursday, October 05, 2006

 
Do you remember me?
Do you remember why I should ask?
Even if, just possibly
I may be only a distant memory at last?

Thousand of stars spread tonight's sky
Pulling at the threads of my heart
As I lay here and wonder why
We've spent all of this time apart

I still remember your promise that day
You swore not to abandon me
Yet, as I warned life's wicked ways
Were destined to keep you apart from me

I'm am not bitter, only alone
I miss the part of you that you kept just for me
For though, yes it has been so long...too long
You are a constant part of me...not some distant memory

 

...a couple of years actually. Wow! Time passes so quickly. Alot has changed, much is the same. I still think of Scorpian as my bestest friend ever...even if he always forgets to call me back. My former bass player has finally formed what appears to be a promising band over in NY. They have plenty of great music... but no lyrics... so I guess I should start writing again. My career change has totally reformed my lifestyle, but I'm sure that is for the better.

My boys are so big now. They are actually coming close to my height. They are wonderful blessings that I thank the heavens for everyday. They are both a little bit crazy~just like me!

I'm not quite sure what has possesed me to start posting again...but I'll give it a whirl. I know I am probably out here alone, but really that is ok with me.

I miss California..people who are still there. Las Vegas comes in close second...yes I am still trying.

Well I finally moved, but it wasn't to California. I have such a beautiful home now. Of course I don't have any furniture...but that's what credit cards are for. And I guess once I have maxed them all out I should probably have one of those byob byof parties or something...

anyway later I'll leave you with a few more thoughts..

Monday, November 24, 2003

 
Every now and then I realize how few friends I trully have. It's a painful reality. I'm getting tired. Really really tired. These last two years have just left me completely dry. I'm not very sure what is motivating me to wake up anymore other than the sun can be annoyingly fucking bright!

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

 
Life itself it often the hardest part of living. Combine it with love and it can quickly become unbearable.

Why is it so easy for me to let go? This is something I have been asking myself time and time again. I mean after all it's not really that easy. I'll tell you it is and you'll believe me, but I'll always know better. Still, I find myself constantly finding reasons to run, to hide, to withdraw, to push away. Oddly enough I do this to the people that mean the most to me or that I feel I am getting too close to. Define...too close...

So I've given this subject alot of careful thought recently.

As a child, basic needs were often overlooked or ignored completely. I believed my mother loved me and I imagined that my father might, but love was not enough for them to provide meals, clothing, shelter, safety, security, and I guess not even a sense of love.


I never really felt cared for and I guess I never really cared that much for myself, but somehow I found a way to get enough of those needs met, usually by helping others and I survived.

But maybe that wasn't quite good enough. I think it might be because I never really had or lost so much that was important to me that I can so easily remove anything or anyone that I may really need. My rationale has always been that eventually it will be absent from my life anyway so whatever you do...don't DEPEND on it, her, him, etc. Perhaps this is the one way I believe I can maintain some sort of control. Yes, I do know that this is ludicrous, but it has yet to stop me.

The urges are uncontrollable. As if my very ability to breathe lay on the line. I've always known that this is the way that I am, but that knowledge has yet to stop me. But, I fear that is changing now. I see myself giving in and letting people in and it scares the hell out of me sometimes.

I realize how very little I trust anything that seems good. I realize how very little I trust myself.

Maybe I'm just getting old, maybe I'm just too tired, or maybe it's time for me to deal with the consequences of life instead of trying to control it. And maybe I know that. Maybe if I could just try to believe that I am strong enough to recover from whatever obstacles I encounter along the way I won't be so afraid to walk down certain paths.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

 
I have quite a busy night ahead of me. Seems everyone decided to pick the same day..wait evening to schedule their individual events....let's see

  • pto meeting @ 6:30pm

  • cub scout meeting @ 7:00

  • dart leaque kickoff @ 7:00pm

  • opening of Charles County Fair until 11pm

  • I need a clone.

     
    any maybe crickets too.

    Learned that lesson while talking with Faisal last night. I wonder if Lex overheard the whole conversation..hmmm.



    Thursday, August 28, 2003

     
    A rather confident man walks into a bar and grabs a stool next to a gorgeous woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
    The woman notices this and asks, Is your date running late?

    No, he replies. I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and am testing it.

    The intrigued woman says, A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?

    It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me, he explains.

    What's it telling you now? she asks.

    Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.

    The woman giggles and replies, Well, it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!

    The man gasps and taps his watch, Damn thing must be an hour fast.

     
    There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

    Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off
    the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

    She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night
    while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session she turned on the lights.

    She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery
    operated pleasure device... a vibrator!! Soft, wonderful and larger
    than the "real one."

    She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bum," she
    screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You
    had better explain yourself!"

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
    "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids!"